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The Great Reconciliation
Understanding my beginning, my world, my values, and my people.
This was originally penned on the 19th day of December, 2020. It was a Saturday. It has been reprinted here for posterity and/or austerity (whichever you prefer). Enjoy.
This is a retelling of a vivid dream I once had. It begins on a primordial tower of divine stone, where a deep mist enveloped everything to the point of no extensive vision. The tower was resoundingly circular in its design, with winding staircases leading the levels together. In a moment, I was permitted to see beyond the fog, and saw that the tower was bottomless; it went on and on until disappearing into an aether that became blue and starry like an Interstella. After, I looked up and saw it went on forever upwards as well, eventually disappearing into a singularity surrounded by black void.
This tower was filled with many whispers of unnoticeable spirits. They seemed like spirits who are personally important to me, in the sense that they follow my life and are specifically interested in me, but they make no appearance or definite presence of any kind. As I wander through this tower, it begins to reveal itself as a park of sorts. Vines begin to show, and soon I see other families and vacationers walking around, as if it were an ancient pagoda. Soon, it turns into one, and a great world beyond the tower makes itself apparent.
As I continue to watch this world remanifest, I decide to walk through this tower again, and eventually find my way out of it, onto a safari or jungle reservation of some sort. Still there are persistent families and groups of tourists climbing around, taking pictures. But something is off about the jungle, and after walking through it confusedly I suddenly realise that there are unfriendlies roaming about. I decide to turn back, and pass a family I saw once before, who is swept up and devoured by these unfriendlies. They operate like police or park rangers, but look and behave like killer apes. By superstition I manage to not anger them, and find myself on some high ground within the jungle. There, a dirt road becomes clear, leading into more temperate forest. I decide to walk down this road as the sun beams overhead a great mountain range running parallel to it. It then becomes clear in a great pan-out that this is not a park, but the great wild earth itself, endless and free.
I was excited to track this great trail, as I could apply my navigation skills I learned recently, and be completely free and unafraid. Along the way, I run into my sister unexpectedly, and we reconnect on the surface as we hike together. After a bit of that I look above and see the sun still beaming, but this time it is ominous, and I realise I have just enough time to turn back to civilisation before the sun sets. Together we decide to return, and we race each other back. Along the way we lost sight of one another while still making time, and reunited as we approached the gate. Right as we were to cross onto the cobblestone path, I tripped over the ledge and her whole body snapped out of existence entirely, never to be seen again. I was confounded and confused, and the dream ended.
There is a lot of meaning in this dream that is already made. Like most highly detailed dreams of mine, it is usually an exercise in character-building originally experienced when I was a teenager. It seems to be me coming to appreciate my own efficacy with respect to what I ultimately value, with a secondary plot later to begin ackowledging the childhood and relationship I have lost with my sister these days. The progression is very logical: it goes from deep, otherworldly beginnings, to initial footings with the world of humans, then rediscovering what I live for and having to recall my priors about family while I’m at it. Compared to my other vivid dream, it’s less introspective, and more concerned with the outside world. But both of them share the qualities of intense existential questions and a thorough account of past, present and future. I consider them some of the most important exercises I have ever done and will cherish them always.
Hey! Thanks for reading. This one is a republishing, so it’s a free read, as before. I run this Substack to help break myself out of relative poverty and earn the white collar lifestyle I was not endowed with growing up. It’s $5.55/month to subscribe, or $55.55/year. That’s like the Interstella movie, or something. Think Daft Punk. Totally worth it.